Energy Isn’t
Your Problem.
Boundaries
Are.
Awaken With Sheila
The Queen of Brave
Contributing Voice, WXN Media
SEPTEMBER 7, 2026
Can I tell you something?
As women in leadership, we talk a lot about energy.
How to protect it.
How to sustain it.
How to show up with enough of it to be the executive, the mother, the partner, the visionary.
We invest in morning routines and optimize our calendars, and yet so many of us are still running on empty.
Here’s where I’ve landed after years as a Chief Financial Officer and now as a mentor who works with women in high-stakes roles: the fastest way to leak energy isn’t a bad night’s sleep or a packed schedule, it is a boundary you haven’t set, or worse, one you set and then quietly retracted.
You know the feeling when your boss asks you to stay late, and you cancel your plans; a friend crosses a line, and you swallow it down. You say yes when you mean no and spend the evening wondering why you feel so hollowed out.
Why we don’t enforce them
Setting boundaries has always been a struggle for me, and I don’t know many women who’ve got it all figured out either. It’s like we were given a manual for everything except ‘How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty.’
From the time we’re young girls, we’re conditioned to believe our worth hinges on how much we can sacrifice, and so we find ourselves staying silent when someone crosses a line, saying yes when we mean no, wondering why we’re drained and resentful.
Two words: shame and guilt.
The shame of saying no to your boss who needs you to stay back. The guilt of declining a weekend lunch with your mother when you just wanted to lie on the couch and do nothing.
So we put a boundary in place and then retract it quickly, all because the discomfort of holding it feels worse than the exhaustion of not having one at all.
“The fastest way to leak energy
isn’t your schedule; it’s a boundary
you didn’t hold.”
Here's what I got wrong
When I first started setting boundaries, I thought they had to be walls, hard nos, or cold shoulders. Truthfully, I thought I had to be aggressive and selfish, keeping people at arm’s length.
I was so wrong.
I went from feeling disrespected and fearful without boundaries… to feeling angry, bitter, and utterly alone with them in place. People stopped trying to connect with me; no one knew the real me, and worst of all, I alienated people I loved.
Over time, I came to realize there had to be a healthy middle ground, and I set out to find it. The most powerful boundaries, I discovered, are warm, clear, and grounded in self-respect.
They don’t push people away, and instead, they create the conditions for genuine, adult relationships—at work and in life.
The muscle you haven’t built yet
I was a bit of a gym junkie in my thirties. I loved watching my muscles grow as I increased my weights and reps. But in my career? I had zero resilience when it came to boundaries.
I simply hadn’t built the muscle.
So I had to start, and what I’ve discovered through coaching women is that boundaries are a practice, not a performance. You won’t say everything perfectly, and you don’t need to.
But what matters is that you begin.
Your boss asks you to stay late. Instead of silently cancelling your evening, you say: “I want to support this project, and I’m not available after six tonight. Can we prioritize what’s most urgent?” You’d be surprised how often that lands.
When you hold your boundaries calmly and clearly, people do listen. Or say a friendship where a line keeps getting crossed. Instead of pulling away (which is what most of us do), you say: “I’m sharing this because our relationship matters to me.” I won’t lie, that conversation takes courage, but it’s the kind of conversation that deepens a friendship instead of fracturing it.
When I was a CFO, interviewing candidate after candidate, you know what question I always made sure to ask? It wasn’t about their technical skills. It was about their ability to set boundaries and take care of themselves in a high-stakes world because those who could were the ones I knew would thrive.
On the other side of a boundary is a yes
What if on the other side of a boundary wasn’t conflict, but a yes?
A yes to your own energy.
A yes to being present for the things that actually matter.
A yes to showing up as the leader your career needs you to be, without running yourself into the ground.
Speaking up isn’t career-limiting; in fact, I see it as career-igniting. Each time you speak up with honesty and care, you strengthen your self-trust, your friendships deepen, and you stop leaking energy everywhere.
Boundaries are not an exercise in building walls around yourself. They’re designed to protect your vitality so you can pour it into the work, the relationships, and the life you’re building.
Every boundary you hold is a small, courageous act of self-love. And that’s a Little Brave Act™.
You are more capable than you realize.
Be Courageously You,
Sheila V