The Feeling Follows the Doing

Elephant Conversations

The Confidence Coach

SEPTEMBER 7, 2026

I walked onto a stage in Dallas looking like I had everything together.

The event was called North America's Next Greatest Speaker. Ten finalists. Three minutes each. The top three would move on to the finals.

I had the outfit. The hair. Two coaches. Hours of TED Talks trying to reverse-engineer someone else's magic until I'd completely lost track of my own.

I was ninth to go on, which meant nearly an hour backstage watching other speakers do the one thing I couldn't seem to do.

Sound like themselves.

When Preparation Becomes a Disguise

One woman stood out. Sassy, fast, irreverent. She broke every professional speaking rule I'd been taught. The audience adored her, not because she was polished. Because she was present.

Standing backstage, I knew.

I had gone about this completely wrong.

The result of all that preparation? Smart, structured, polished.

Just not me.

An hour before I went on, a seasoned speaker convinced me to switch from my headset mic to a handheld one.

It felt wrong the moment I picked it up.

I switched anyway.

The Moment everything fell apart

The lights were blinding. My mouth was so dry I could barely get the words out. My voice cracked. Sharp. Public. Impossible to miss.

I secretly hoped I'd somehow make it through. One more chance to show up as myself.

I didn't. I was cut immediately.

The tsunami of embarrassment and humiliation washed over me. This was the end of a story I had spent so much time preparing for.

I walked off that stage and just wanted to disappear.

After a good cry, I went looking for the kindest judge.

He told me I was funny, engaging, that I had something real to say.

Then he asked the question I've never forgotten: "Why didn't that woman show up on stage?"

It landed hard. Because he was right.

“Confidence isn't something
you're born with. It's something
you build.”

Confidence Isn’t the Problem We Think It Is

I hadn't been lacking confidence that night. I'd been lacking self-trust. The minute the moment got big, I stopped listening to myself and started listening to everyone else.

I couldn't let it go. I held on so tight there was no room left to just show up as myself.

Your version of that moment might look different than mine. But I'd bet you've felt it.

Dallas taught me the difference between preparing and trusting.

Letting Go Is the Hard Part

Now in my workshops I do something that makes people uncomfortable. I take a page of careful prep and crumple it up.

Every time, someone gasps.

Because they know. Once you've done the work, the hardest part isn't the preparation. It's trusting yourself enough to let it go.

Confidence isn't something you're born with. It's something you build, through self-trust, through action, through showing up before you feel ready and adjusting when it doesn't go perfectly.

That's how it actually grows

Meet Ellie

Before you go, I want to introduce you to Ellie. She's an elephant, for a reason.

Ellie is my kind of confident. She doesn't rush, perform, or try to impress. She trusts her footing, moves with steadiness, and stays present.

That's the kind of confidence I'm talking about in this work. Not loud. Not perfect. Not put on. Just real.

Each month, she'll leave you with a couple of questions, not homework, just an invitation.

Ellie Asks:
Where in your life are you handing your confidence over to someone else's opinion?
What would you do differently if you trusted yourself first?